We're Back | Ep. 28
Download MP3Welcome to Kindling Conversations, the podcast where warmth meets wit, and 4 friends gather around the crackling fire of camaraderie to share stories, laughs, and insights. So grab a cup of your favorite beverage, settle into your favorite spot, and let the glow of kindling conversations accompany you.
Ashley:Welcome back, everybody, to your favorite podcast every Wednesday, dropping at 5 AM unless Caleb forgets.
Caleb:That's fair.
Kyle:I just learned that.
Ashley:Here we are once again. We have changed studios. Yep. We have
Caleb:Don't know it's for the better.
Kyle:I'm Kyle.
Caleb:Well, we're getting there. Calm your horses.
Kyle:Okay. Jesus.
Ashley:Oh my god. We're out of rhythm. Okay. So I'm here with my other cohost.
Kyle:I'm Kyle.
Caleb:I'm Ben. I'm the cohost. Yeah. That didn't change. I'm Caleb.
Kyle:You're not awesome. Old.
Ashley:Okay. No.
Caleb:Because she didn't say a awesome cohost.
Ashley:We gotta do a little bit of apologizing and catching up. Yep. So who wants to do the apology?
Caleb:Alright. I guess I'm sorry. I guess I should take the bulk of the blame here. Missing podcast. Missing uploads.
Caleb:Well, yeah. Missing uploads and, well, considering it's my work schedule that has impeded us from getting together. So I will take some of the blame because in the middle of that, I kinda had some medical problems, a stone that got stuck. What do we need to stop it?
Ashley:Okay. Benjamin.
Caleb:Over an agent.
Ashley:Okay. Ben, elaborate on your medical issues.
Caleb:I had a 12 millimeter kidney stone. Everybody who is at know the metric system that is pretty much half an inch. He had a baby. Kidney stone. Baby.
Caleb:Kidney stone.
Ashley:So tell us about that.
Caleb:Yep. It was very painful, and it came out, and it's still painful.
Kyle:And then
Caleb:it was finally painful. Just it was removed.
Ashley:Okay.
Caleb:Pretty much sums it up. Just a bunch of pain.
Kyle:Ben had the most people ever touch his penis at one time other than himself.
Caleb:And half the surgical room knew my mom. That was interesting.
Kyle:Like, man, your son's really hung, Diane.
Ashley:I don't think they said that.
Caleb:They're not gonna say that to her, but they'll definitely think of that.
Kyle:They're like, Diane, are you sure he's a he's a boy?
Caleb:Couldn't find it. Shut up.
Ashley:K. Caleb, Yeah. Where you gone?
Caleb:I was working.
Ashley:Mhmm. What's that?
Kyle:To Indy. 4?
Ashley:Did you try to find yourself again?
Caleb:No. Jesus Christ. I wanted to go and just have fun, and I did, actually.
Kyle:Yeah. For a day?
Caleb:Yeah. Just a day. But I had a lot of fun doing it. So they didn't probably the best hotel I've ever stayed in or ever will stay in.
Kyle:Hookers and below?
Caleb:No. None of that, unfortunately.
Kyle:Because, damn.
Ashley:Was it like the hangover episode?
Caleb:Yeah. Just the hookers part.
Kyle:He didn't come home with a tattoo.
Caleb:I did not. I,
Kyle:Mike Tyson tattoo all down his face?
Caleb:Well, a couple teardrops. Me me, Kyle, and Ben went to the the NASCAR slash archiving and arch race. That was kind of boring. Oh, we're having some issues over here with Ashley stuff.
Kyle:Ashley's doing the worm.
Caleb:Out in the air. She's more like slapping herself. Oh, you hear that one? That's cool. I was amazed to hear Caleb blowing into the court.
Caleb:You'll just hear something.
Kyle:You want
Caleb:me to spin a report? On NASCAR race. Okay. It was a NASCAR truck race. I mean, it's still NASCAR.
Caleb:And then the Arc of Menards. And the Arc of Menards and yeah. That kind of You good?
Kyle:There's something under my nail.
Caleb:Yeah. That was kinda boring, though. The archer race, especially, we saw someone like
Kyle:Oh, don't even get me started on that.
Caleb:But that's pretty much what I thought.
Kyle:Going to
Caleb:a NASCAR race, that was really boring. Yeah. You know? I probably wouldn't go unless I knew someone that was racing. You know?
Kyle:The ARCA race? Yeah. That's don't
Caleb:worry. In a culture race,
Kyle:I was
Caleb:even that great.
Kyle:It was trucks. I I'd rather watch trucks than ARCA.
Caleb:Yeah. That's fair. That's our good conversations with our own NASCAR team.
Kyle:I would have watched dirt racing or wheeling modified.
Caleb:Yeah. It was our own NASCAR team.
Kyle:Yeah. Yeah.
Caleb:Okay. You got couple $1,000,000 for that? We'll start in the Positive net worth? We'll start in the
Kyle:It's called best speedy design.
Caleb:We'll we'll start in the Arca series first and work our way up.
Ashley:Oh, yeah.
Caleb:Yeah. Still a couple thousand.
Ashley:And you wanna self
Kyle:plug? 30.
Caleb:Oh, yeah. If you can plug later. Yeah. We'll do it then.
Ashley:Alright. Maybe Well,
Caleb:I guess it is relevant because it is what you've been doing.
Kyle:Yeah. True.
Caleb:I guess I've been actively focusing more on Martin three d designs and actually making things and selling things. I have officially started selling things. Have you sold anything yet? I have. Yeah?
Caleb:Making good money? Profiting yet?
Ashley:Sorry. I'm gonna need to cancel my order.
Caleb:Me too. No.
Kyle:I was actually gonna talk to you about that. Yeah.
Caleb:No. You no. You can't.
Kyle:Depending on how much it is.
Caleb:Like I like I told Kyle, I have to make up for a, cake topper that I spent a lot of time on. So it's gonna be, like, $500. No. I mean, that's a drop in the hat compared to what you guys make. So
Kyle:Yeah. We're not doctors, Caleb. Ashley works in a hospital.
Caleb:Yeah. Ashley works in a hospital.
Kyle:Not as a doctor.
Caleb:You're you're working in a blue collar. So You're an auditor. You tell people what they do wrong for a living.
Kyle:And Ashley. Yeah. I I I have to tell her what she does wrong too.
Ashley:Yep.
Caleb:Alright. Well, what else have you been up to?
Ashley:I don't know. I can't really say you you have to ask Kyle now. I get I'm just not a person. I'm not my own person anymore.
Kyle:I own
Ashley:All I do is work and please Kyle. I I don't have anything for myself.
Kyle:Open your mouth. Wider. Oh, man.
Ashley:Like, on Thursday, when I'm off, I'm just going to sit at home and stare blankly at the wall and wait for him him to return because
Kyle:I can't do anything by
Caleb:my mouth. Cooking clean.
Ashley:Do that anyways.
Kyle:No. I don't I don't give permission to do that. I want the house to be a pigsty. Just absolutely probably
Caleb:look like that. Yeah. You probably would, you dirty pig.
Ashley:Yeah. Because there has been clean dishes sitting in the dishwasher for over a week, and dirty dishes keep piling up, and he has yet to do anything.
Caleb:Yep. Dirty. What have you been up to?
Kyle:Well, my I I I went to my cousin's funeral, which is why I couldn't put the cleaning dishes away. Got ATV. Mhmm. There you go. Yep.
Ashley:Oh, he can spend money.
Kyle:You think it was my money?
Ashley:Gotta fix it up somehow. Gotta put new tires on it.
Kyle:I already got tires for it.
Ashley:You gotta pay somebody to put them on, but we can fucking do that.
Kyle:It's not hard to put tires on the ATV. Let's see. So I got that. There's that demon dog. Holy cow.
Caleb:Not a podcast or not, but
Kyle:I think that's pretty much it. Already used. To the house.
Caleb:What's the next topic, Ashley?
Ashley:Oh, our new subject? Would you rather?
Kyle:Oh, we're just fine through this.
Caleb:It's terrible radio. We're silent. So we're at Caleb's house now, and there's this demon dog that lives next to him. He thinks he wants to kill anything in his way. Yeah.
Caleb:So I'm living in oh, yeah. I guess that's a big update.
Kyle:Yeah. Yeah. You
Caleb:told us to
Kyle:give it over that.
Caleb:Yeah. I moved into my brother's house while he's a basic in AIT. So I'm officially on my own for at least 6 months.
Kyle:How was it? Your first time living alone. Right?
Caleb:Yes. Completely alone. Yes.
Kyle:How is it?
Caleb:Lonely. Yeah. Yeah. I, I will say there was a day, last week, 2 weeks ago. I don't fully remember.
Caleb:I wasn't home, like, all weekend. I was pretty much home to sleep within the first night I got home. Don't judge me, but I was singing right while I was doing the dishes. Seeing or singing? Singing.
Kyle:I thought you said pee in at first. I heard you said singing.
Caleb:No. Singing. Like, I'll lose steam when you do this. I can be dangerous if you don't. I swear to God.
Caleb:I swear to God. I heard someone sing along with me at one point. So I was
Kyle:probably the person singing the song.
Caleb:I left the kitchen. No. I was, like, acapella you get. So that's what made it, like, even scarier. I imagine that Caleb going to get you this armonico.
Kyle:Hey. Caleb stopped singing and, like, the other person just Just like for a quick second, he's, like
Caleb:I straight up stopped singing. I looked around and I was, like, yeah. I'm just gonna go watch TV. Are you sure it wasn't an echo? It very well could've been because it was faint, but it almost sounded like there was someone downstairs.
Caleb:There's not.
Ashley:So why did you stop doing dishes to watch TV?
Caleb:I wanted to exit the kitchen.
Kyle:The demon doctor's singing along.
Ashley:So when you were sitting on the couch, did you keep, like, glancing over?
Caleb:I did. I did.
Ashley:When did the fear finally subside?
Caleb:When I went downstairs to do laundry the next day.
Ashley:How would how did you do that?
Caleb:What do you mean?
Ashley:Like, you just busted up enough courage to go downstairs and face this person while you couldn't finish your dishes.
Kyle:And he was like, fuck it. Just kill me.
Caleb:No. I grabbed the broom. Line of defense just in case. Oh my god. What's a fucking broom
Ashley:gonna do?
Kyle:I can't wait to break into Caleb's house to get hit with a broom.
Caleb:To be fair, I just wanna point out, I learned that from my 2 brothers. When we were up at the cabin
Kyle:Use a broom? When we were up
Caleb:at the cabin one time, they saw a baby cub. And so they took a broom handle and a vacuum hose cleaner and vacuum cleaner hose. What? I went outside and that's what they were using to the fence. And then about halfway there, they were like, oh, that's probably not a good idea because mama's probably around.
Caleb:Yeah. What's that gonna do because mama's
Kyle:probably a lot more man. Yeah. A broom
Caleb:handle whack. Ah, I better get you. They wanted to go investigate, so they took that's what they took. So I learned it from them.
Kyle:Oh my god. I mean, I guess, they get some pretty big differences. One being that one was a bear. The other one was potentially a person. A homeless person, maybe.
Ashley:There's a lot of them here. Can you According to Ben, I know them all.
Kyle:Mhmm. Caleb just has a roommate that he's not telling us about that he's chained up in the basement.
Caleb:You're right. Shut up. That day he wrapped up the whole
Kyle:shit podcast.
Caleb:Alrighty. So, yeah, that's living on my own. Anything else anything else everybody else forgot? Big update?
Kyle:We will have a guest on. I'm not saying who the guest is yet.
Caleb:The person knows already. We are in talks. Yep. You know who you are. We're just getting the contract lined up and everything.
Caleb:Yeah.
Kyle:We have to,
Caleb:a very
Kyle:important figure out a date
Caleb:Which fair that works best for them? Yep. We offer how to get their travel cost here and stuff.
Kyle:Airfare. Yeah.
Ashley:So something else that is new that we're doing is a would you rather that's gonna lead into further conversation. Okay. And we're not. We're going all in.
Caleb:I don't even know this. Would you rather
Ashley:On this one.
Caleb:Is that someone who knows it? You know it, Caleb?
Ashley:Because this one's gonna go with stories, because we're gonna tell stories with this one.
Caleb:Okay. What kind of stories? Like, incriminating stories against us?
Ashley:No. Funny stories. Okay. Are you ready? And our lovely listeners can go ahead and drop their answers that they have to put.
Ashley:Okay. Ready?
Kyle:K. K. Did you call me it?
Ashley:Yeah. I called you. Would you rather walk in on your parents having sex or have them walk in on you?
Caleb:That's a rough one. Caleb, if you have something to say, you go first. Come on, Caleb.
Ashley:And if you wanna change names, bleep things, that's fine.
Caleb:Yeah. You can't just sit in silence. People don't, like, listen to silence. You can go. What would you rather do?
Kyle:Kyle? Honestly, I'd be interested to walk in on them. No. Hear me out, because they're divorced, so that would be the craziest fucking thing. I'd walk in, like, woah.
Kyle:You guys are married again? Back together again. Like, y'all divorced. So, yeah, that'd be pretty crazy.
Ashley:But have you ever walked in on either one of your parents?
Kyle:I haven't walked in on them, but I have heard my dad go into town.
Ashley:Alright. Now you gotta elaborate. You can definitely bleep out or, like, change names.
Kyle:Well, I walked in on my dad naked, but he was asleep. So I felt like I took advantage of him.
Caleb:You're dead.
Kyle:So okay. So I'm done hanging out with with you and, like, Nick, you you know, one night. Yeah. And you guys, would I I you guys dropped me off at home. Maybe it was just you.
Kyle:Drop me off at home, walked in. It's, like, 3 in the morning. And my dad's bedroom light was not was still on, and the door was cracked. So I'm, like, oh, my dad's still up watching cops, you know, because that was, like, his favorite show to watch. Walked in, he's laying on the covers, nothing on, and he's asleep.
Kyle:Cock hanging out, everything. I was like, hey, dad. Oh my god. And he didn't wake up.
Caleb:So wait. Why did you feel like you took advantage
Kyle:of him? Because he was sleeping. But you didn't do anything? No. But I I looked right at the tip, because I didn't know what the fuck like, it it popped out of nowhere.
Kyle:And, yep, closed his door, and he had no recollection of laying there in the nude. How you just wake up and not realize you're nude, but okay.
Caleb:What? He wake up and walk out of his room?
Kyle:I don't know. Because I was like, fuck. Were you sleeping naked last night?
Caleb:My dad walks around the house naked. So
Ashley:Like, full on straw.
Caleb:Not all the time, but, like oh, yeah. He's done that. Like, if he's going from the bathroom to the to his room after he showered. Yeah. We're like, Jesus fucking Christ, dad.
Ashley:But Jesus
Kyle:he just walks past your door.
Caleb:Dude, and my door was right next to the fucking bathroom. Oh, the door. They killed me. Why?
Kyle:Gary couldn't close it in 10 minutes. No. And then then I heard my dad one time. I had to wake up really early for work because I was I was working. I I I would carpool with Chad, and and Dennis and this girl.
Kyle:And, I I I had this routine where I'd wake up, I'd go downstairs, make my lunch, and then go back upstairs, and then come back down, grab my shoes, go back upstairs, put my shoes on, and then go back downstairs, grab my lunch out the door. And now now looking back, I don't know why I did that. A lot of stairs. But I woke up, went downstairs to make my sandwiches, and the whole time I was, making my sandwiches, I heard cheeks getting clamped. But I I didn't know
Ashley:Is it the rhythm?
Kyle:Well, at first, I thought it was my dad's snoring because he snores really loud. So, like, it just sounded it was like heavy breathing. And I'm like, okay, like, dad's sleeping, whatever. Go back upstairs, come back down to grab my shoes, and I then heard the girl moaning and I heard slapping. So either my dad was getting slapped or she was getting spanked.
Kyle:And, I, grabbed my shoes and my lunch, and I just went out in the garage and waited till I had to leave.
Caleb:Wait. Should we go back up the stairs, back down, and back up, and back down again? Yeah. Okay.
Kyle:So then after work, my dad called me, and this was, like, 3 in the morning, and they were going at it. I'm, like, what the fuck? Get some sleep. And, my dad called me after work. He's, like, hey.
Kyle:What are you up to? I'm, like, I went home from work. And, he's, like, okay. And I'm, like, so, you have fun last night? And he goes, oh, what do you mean?
Kyle:I'm like, I I heard you guys, you know, doing stuff this morning. And there's, like, a long pause. He goes, oh, you heard that? I'm like, yeah. You know, kinda hard to not hear that, dad.
Kyle:He goes, Oh, yeah. Didn't even apologize. He's just like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Kyle:It was fun. I'm, like, what time did you even go to bed? He goes, I don't know. It was after, like, 4 or 5. I'm, like, holy fuck.
Caleb:Oh, fuck, dude. Jesus.
Kyle:Yeah. Like, I didn't walk in, but I definitely heard it. But I I don't think I've ever had my parents walk in on me. I I've never done it yet. I'm still a virgin.
Kyle:So
Caleb:You're married. You're married. Yeah.
Kyle:We're absent till childbirth.
Ashley:How were we gonna produce a child?
Kyle:I'm sorry. Child making.
Ashley:Aren't we doing that now?
Kyle:Are you pregnant?
Ashley:I don't know.
Kyle:Then no. Right?
Ashley:Math is not math.
Caleb:No. It's not. But okay. I mean, to be fair, we are talking about Kyle here. So
Kyle:Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.
Caleb:So what would you rather?
Kyle:I've almost had my, dad walk in on me slapping the ham, if you know what that means.
Caleb:Yeah. Yeah.
Kyle:It's a meme. Yep.
Caleb:You were masturbating?
Kyle:Yes. Yes. I was slapping that ham. Yeah. Okay.
Kyle:So my dad
Ashley:He was just going to town.
Kyle:So this is pretty funny. This is probably the funniest story. So my dad you you could usually hear him coming up the stairs, like and because he would walk, like, real slow. And he he'd check-in Hunter first, and then he'd come up to my room and, you know, just, like, shoot the shit, whatever. And the way that my pet was positioned
Caleb:I was shooting something else.
Kyle:So, like, if I so, like, you know how my bedroom door used to open? It would open this way.
Ashley:No. The podcasters can't see.
Kyle:I know. So, like
Caleb:It would open
Kyle:it would open into the bedroom.
Caleb:Yeah. Like, every bedroom door. So But, like, opposite of Kyle's bed too.
Kyle:No. So the foot of my bed was right where the door would swing open.
Caleb:I'm like, oh my god.
Kyle:Yeah. So, like and I was sitting right on the foot of the bed. Why? Because I didn't think anyone would be home. So I was sitting there going to town, and I heard my dad pull in the driveway.
Kyle:I'm gonna appreciate my story, I guess. So so it's making me uncomfortable.
Ashley:What?
Kyle:As if
Caleb:you don't want her?
Ashley:Yeah. Like me
Caleb:or her? Anybody.
Kyle:Oh, yeah. Tell your story. Anyway Please
Ashley:don't throw it. Please don't throw
Kyle:it. Thanks. So I I heard my dad pull in the driveway, heard the garage door open, and I'm like, yeah. I I got time. So really going to town, you know, really trying to get that nut.
Kyle:Right?
Caleb:Trying to finish?
Kyle:Yep. So I'm just going to town, and I don't hear my dad slowly walking up the stairs. He's sprinting. He's going I mean, full on, I've never heard this man go up the stairs so fast in my life. Door flies open, and, like, obviously, cock still in my hand, like like, I was panicking hearing this man run up the stairs.
Caleb:Is there your phone for your face?
Kyle:No. I was I was using my my my mind. Okay. Because, like, at the time, I I had a Blackberry. I I didn't have a a smartphone.
Caleb:Yep. Hey. Yeah. We're not we didn't grow up with smartphones, Ben. Yeah.
Caleb:I'm a Blackberry.
Kyle:I only had 1. Blackberry?
Ashley:So see. Blackberries?
Kyle:It's, like, heard the door to the garage closed, sprinting across the kitchen floor up the fucking stairs. I I didn't have time to put it away, so I just lunged forward and just, like, covered it. Like, I was just leaning forward.
Caleb:Was your hand still down there?
Kyle:Yeah. Put my hand down there. I was, like, I was breathing heavy because I was trying to get that nut. So I'm like and my dad was right. He goes, hey.
Kyle:Are you feeling okay? And I'm like, yeah. My stomach deserves and he goes, well, come downstairs. May I get a sec? I'm like, yeah.
Kyle:Be right down. Never never got the note.
Caleb:Was he mad? No. Was he were you in trouble? I mean
Kyle:I was a little mad because, like, dude, why are you sprinting up the stairs just to ask you what I'm doing? Like, You
Caleb:feeling
Kyle:You know what I'm saying? Like, there's no way he would have known. Couldn't you not see your pants, though? They weren't.
Ashley:Kyle never takes his pants off.
Kyle:No. I I just stick it through the the flat. Oh. So, like, you know, going to town, I mean, I don't know if you could see the shadow on, like, the window of, like, someone just slapping it. I don't know.
Kyle:But, like, dude knew something was up somehow, some way. But, like, I I I will never forget, like because, like, at first, like, I stopped when I first heard him running up the stairs because I'm like, what's that noise? Oh my god. And before I knew it, door's flying open. Like, I was so close.
Ashley:So, like, when you got downstairs, did he just what what did he want?
Kyle:Nothing. I walked down, he goes, are you plans for tonight? I'm like, not now. You know, no plans. So I think I asked you to hang out.
Kyle:And I I probably shook your hand.
Ashley:You were his post nut, Clarity.
Kyle:Yeah. I know. I didn't get no nut. Okay.
Caleb:It was pretty nut
Kyle:clarity. Yeah. I didn't get dude, it was it was terrifying.
Caleb:So answer the question of would you rather? He did. He said he'd rather have walk in on his dress.
Kyle:Walking on my parents.
Caleb:Walk in on your pants. Okay.
Ashley:Caleb?
Caleb:Still, you have something to Caleb. I think you should go. Now don't have anything interesting.
Kyle:Hey. I came clean with with slapping the ham. Okay?
Caleb:It wasn't my parents.
Kyle:Oh. It was my parents? Oh, yeah.
Caleb:It was my brother who walked in on me.
Ashley:Oh. That Yeah.
Caleb:Was not so fun? So at the time, we
Kyle:I would prefer my brother than my parents.
Caleb:Yeah. Good point. So at the time, I was living in the basement bedroom, and Tyler had to walk through the bedroom to get to his computer. So me and my girlfriend at the time, we were kinda guilty. And, I heard him come down the stairs.
Caleb:So like, we stopped real quick.
Kyle:Are you covered?
Caleb:Thank god.
Kyle:Okay.
Caleb:But, like, we heard him coming down the stairs. So we sweaty. We we real quick got under the covers. But, like, we got, like, the covers over over us just in time and then the door opens and Tyler just goes
Ashley:and just walks
Kyle:Were you on top?
Caleb:Head down. No. Like, we we were right next to each other at that point because, like, we heard him come down the stairs because we have a Oh,
Kyle:so you got off?
Ashley:He's trying to figure out what
Kyle:it is when you were off the horse.
Caleb:Yes.
Kyle:Or was she on the horse when they came down?
Caleb:We were doing doggy.
Kyle:Oh. Yeah. Okay. Okay.
Caleb:So we have we have, like, one set of steps, then a landing, then another set of steps. And so we heard him come down the 1st set of steps, and he, like, doesn't just mose mosey. You heard, boom. And I was like, oh, fuck. So, like, I, like, pretty much pushed her down so that way she would lay down, and I just, like, laid down.
Caleb:We had a movie going on. So is she laying, like, face down? Because she's in that position. You just push her down. Yeah.
Caleb:But then we heard on the other set of steps, and I'm, like, we're then then we both, like, got onto our sides, and we're watching, whatever Netflix show we had on the TV and, or Hulu or whatever the hell it was. We, you know, we had that play. I just like quickly threw my arm over her, but like clearly like the blanket's not covering her shoulders. So he clearly sees that she is not wearing a shirt.
Kyle:Yep. So Michelle? Did that sound coming out of the stairs so fucking active? Because Hunter's the same way. I mean, it sounds like it sounds like they're sliding down every step.
Caleb:That their dad really came upstairs.
Kyle:Oh my god. Yeah. He slid up every step. Oh god.
Caleb:Oh, it was so bad. Yeah. But then, later that night, when, my girlfriend had gone home, my mother was like, you have fun time? And I yeah. Yeah.
Caleb:The
Kyle:worst is a creaky bed.
Caleb:Well, see, this was the problem was it was a creaky bed, but, like, not super creaky, but also is up against 2 walls, which happened to be the living room. Oh, nice. Okay. Love. So my mom was like, Jeff, I'm I
Kyle:was like, yeah.
Caleb:We just watched Netflix.
Kyle:That was a great movie.
Caleb:She goes, yeah. She goes, just FYI, you know, kids would be in your room with your door closed anymore, which is over. And I was like
Ashley:How old were you?
Caleb:Nice. 19. What's that weird face for?
Kyle:We're oh, yeah. We were graduated, weren't we? Yeah. Yeah. Because you're working at Walgreens.
Ashley:Mhmm. That's right.
Kyle:No doubt.
Caleb:Oh, like, I thought you remembered it. So Oh, you worked at Walgreens.
Kyle:Because that's how they met.
Caleb:Yeah. Oh, there were girls. So she knows she ate all the good medicine from.
Kyle:Are you saying Caleb's dick is good medicine? No. That's what I took it at.
Caleb:I thought, like, plan b. That was all I'm about.
Kyle:Oh, woah.
Caleb:Yeah. So that happened and was very, very awkward. And so I think just for that alone, I almost feel like the embarrassment of my mom just being able to hear me. You know what I mean?
Kyle:It's true.
Caleb:I feel like I would much rather just walk in on my parents because it'd be like, oh, shit. Close the door.
Kyle:I had a girl's brother almost walk in on us once.
Caleb:I do remember this story.
Kyle:I, so Nick was involved. It wasn't me. We weren't, like, tag teaming or anything, but, like, so so this girl lived in
Caleb:Broadhead. Imagine.
Kyle:Lived in Broadhead. And, I was going out there just for the sole purpose of, Yeah. For the sole purpose of getting some. And
Caleb:Fair enough.
Kyle:But I I told Nick I was I was really going over there to meet her parents. And, so I'm like, yeah. You're gonna stay in the car. It should only take a second. And I was like I was like with
Caleb:you? Who's in the car?
Kyle:Yeah. But I was, like, hey, I fucking hate her brother though. So if you if you see him walk into the front of the apartment, like, honk or something, you know, let me know. And he's, like, okay. Like, it's kinda weird, but okay.
Kyle:I'm like, alright. So, like, you know, we're doing stuff. Next thing you know, you hear the front door open, and he yells out her name and and, like, oh, I'm on top. I'm like, oh, fuck. So I jump off, and I'm, like, behind the door trying to get my pants on as he's opening the door.
Kyle:So I'm, like, pushing the door shut as he's trying to open it, and I'm like, we're busy. Oh my god. It was so fucking awkward. And then so, like, you know, I went outside. I'm, like, your fucking brother walked in.
Kyle:And he's, like, oh, I didn't know that was a roller. Okay. Yeah. I guess that's fair. But, like, it was so awkward because, like, I was pushing with both my fucking hands, and he's pushing with both his hands.
Kyle:Was he younger or older than you? Was he younger or older? Younger. Mhmm. And I was like, oh, fuck.
Kyle:Like Do
Caleb:you know what's funny about her? It was right after I got out of my last relationship, Kyle was pushing me to try to get with her.
Kyle:Oh, yeah. Yeah. You did go on a date with her. Like, were
Caleb:you trying to be Was it with brothers? Oh, yeah. It was a date. And then I also brothers?
Kyle:We already are.
Caleb:Yeah. We already are. It's something weird to pot over, but okay.
Kyle:I made my hand for you. Yeah.
Caleb:Sorry. Yeah. We went on a date, and then I also went to our apartment another time. I guess she moved. Yeah.
Caleb:In Madison.
Kyle:Oh, yeah. Caleb didn't get lucky though.
Caleb:I did not get lucky. Almost.
Kyle:Almost. But he walked out. Well, I
Caleb:didn't really walk out.
Kyle:Yeah. Whiskey. She
Caleb:She stopped it. And then Oh, Julian, baby. Oh. Shortly after she stopped it, her brother was on her way home on his way home. So she was, like, yeah.
Caleb:You should probably get going. I don't know. Her brothers are very comic cards
Kyle:in the story. Those 2, man. I swear to god. Now he's married.
Caleb:Is he?
Kyle:Yes. He still looks like a fucking tool.
Caleb:She is dating someone. Yeah. She has been for a while.
Kyle:Yeah. He is her brother's friend. Oh. They were like
Caleb:makes sense.
Kyle:Yeah. I I thought I recognized him. I'm like, he looks familiar. That was the kid that her brother so the night I was over, when he walked in, he was supposed to be at at his friend's house staying the night. Supposed to be that friend.
Caleb:Oh, I mean
Kyle:So, like, you know, they're they're really close friends. Yeah. That's why we started dating him. I was like, I I could've saw that coming.
Caleb:End of a small world.
Kyle:Yeah. Like, wow.
Caleb:Yeah.
Kyle:And now me and Ben are brothers. In laws. Brothers. In laws.
Caleb:In laws. Hey. Me and Kayla are brothers.
Ashley:You got anything for us?
Caleb:I don't got any interesting stories about anything like that. So You've never been walked in on masturbating? No.
Ashley:You've never heard anything?
Kyle:Have you?
Caleb:No. He's so lame. He needs to get laid.
Ashley:I don't know what to do about that.
Kyle:Do you
Caleb:You do you know anyone for him?
Ashley:If I don't know anybody for your dumbass, I don't know anybody for his dumbass.
Kyle:Slap in the ham? Really tugging that tugger?
Ashley:I don't
Caleb:think so. Like, when you were watching Mocha, did Mocha ever come up and, like, lick your asshole or something?
Kyle:Nope. Nope. Never ever. Never happened to me. I'm
Caleb:getting that, brother.
Kyle:Where you're jerking it in. Kid's doggy silent himself.
Caleb:No.
Ashley:She's done that to Kyle. She licked my crack.
Caleb:That's funny. Because my brother butthole.
Kyle:My Just the crack.
Caleb:One of my brothers has said that his dog has done that multiple times to him.
Kyle:That's why I don't want her in the bedroom. Close the door. Granted, she just lays there. And, like, it's funny because, like, I think my brother's sleeping. And mochas are moving with the like, she does not get up.
Kyle:She she'll fully act like she's sleeping.
Ashley:Hold on.
Kyle:Motion with the ocean. And she wants to, like, be laying against one of us. And it's mostly Ashley. She'll have her back up against Ashley, and the vents moving and Mocha's just moving right along with it. It's so funny.
Caleb:That's hilarious.
Kyle:I don't even know that.
Ashley:My sister So I forgot.
Kyle:Okay. Wait. Be for real. Have you ever slapped a hand in my house before? No.
Ashley:He's so for real.
Kyle:Have you? Yeah. Okay. You haven't?
Caleb:I've been that weird.
Ashley:Which one? His house or my house?
Caleb:His house.
Kyle:Oh, the one in Walmart? Yeah. You you haven't done it in Sharon? You said yeah?
Caleb:Nah. Oh,
Kyle:the one in Walmart you did? Yeah. What?
Caleb:Yeah. Oh,
Kyle:I didn't know that.
Caleb:Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, man. Did you watch porn on my Xbox? Quite possibly. No. I think it was on my phone.
Kyle:Because that was really time consuming to do. Like, it was a lot faster on the phone.
Caleb:I don't think I don't think so, but it's very possible I did.
Kyle:Yeah. Because that because that curse on the controller only goes, like, a certain speed.
Caleb:Yeah. And you can't speed it up.
Kyle:Yeah. So, like, by by the time you're done searching, you ain't got no bone. Yeah.
Caleb:Because the video title is so long too, so, like, click click click click click click click click.
Kyle:Yeah. I know. Yeah. If you're trying to find that one good one, yeah, like Little Red Riding Hood, that takes a long time to type.
Caleb:I think my favorite is the Thanksgiving one.
Ashley:The Thanksgiving?
Caleb:Yeah. No. I think my I think my favorite is Lemon Tree.
Kyle:Lemon Tree really. Whore? Yep. So, yeah, we we had to put away our lemon tree for the season.
Ashley:Okay. So How
Caleb:how many times have you slapped your meat to lemon suing whore? Actually, none. I never actually really looked
Ben:it up. I've only done I've actually watched it with you
Ashley:guys. Okay. That's a different story. What's your favorite, Ben? Backup.
Caleb:Yeah. We should we should back up and this should be for
Ashley:Back up. It's my turn.
Caleb:Wait. Oh, boy. Wait. Ben never actually gave his answer, though. What would you rather?
Caleb:I don't know. It's a tough one. What do you think you would rather? I think I'd rather walk in because I don't think that end up in a talk with my
Kyle:parents. You know what I mean?
Ashley:I just are not gonna wanna talk about that.
Kyle:I just can't imagine seeing them in that position. Because I know I know
Caleb:my parents. My mom would bring it up, you know, you're being safe. Like, she look up, like, bring up, like, that kind of stuff and then be like that.
Kyle:You walk in on them and they gotta give you the talk. And it'd
Caleb:be like it'd be like, oh, I quickly killed it. Walking out like that. Yeah. Because I've just never seen that. They're gonna walk in.
Caleb:They're gonna see me. What the hell are you doing?
Kyle:I do
Caleb:Never tried that position before.
Kyle:Imagine how awkward it would be as a parent, right, if you just, like, walked in on your son just going to town. Oh. And, like, and, like, you you're like, oh my god. And then they just keep going.
Ashley:I surprised you didn't.
Caleb:That for I I sent my kid a therapy after that one. I I contact just
Kyle:Oh, hey, dad. How's it going?
Caleb:Eye contact with him full way.
Ashley:I need to ask what you're doing.
Kyle:I'm almost done, dad. I swear to god.
Caleb:Okay. He said that I I gotta told them to. Then his answer Mhmm. You told him. Ashley.
Caleb:No. I said you you can see I connect with your dad the whole time. And he can see that I connect with you until he got bent.
Ashley:I told you. Would say, I've, I've heard my parents.
Kyle:Oh, you're welcome. I don't know.
Ashley:Yeah. But I definitely have heard my parents multiple times. I don't I don't know. I guess I would walk in on them again.
Kyle:Just be fun.
Caleb:So what was walking in on them like? Like, did you open the door and you were like?
Ashley:No. I mean, they were Let me take notes real quick.
Kyle:They were white it was white out in the open.
Ashley:Yeah. They were doing it in the living room.
Kyle:They were like, bold.
Ashley:And, like, the thing is, like
Caleb:With kids, that's bold.
Ashley:Ben and I were supposed to be sleeping. Like, it's, like, probably 11 o'clock at night.
Caleb:So it's their fault.
Kyle:It's the kids' fault?
Ashley:But, like, I don't know. I I was a horrible sleeper when I was younger. Like, I hated sleeping. Oh. Because I, again, would always miss something.
Kyle:You missed something.
Caleb:Oh, yeah. You missed it.
Ashley:So then I was like, oh, like, I'm like, I just need to go to the bathroom. I I wanna talk to my mom. Like, I just have so much that I have to say. So but, like, we used to have our doors cracked, but because we also have, like, Lucy when we were younger. And so she would, like, come into our rooms, lay on our floor, that kind of stuff.
Ashley:So we always had our doors cracked. And
Caleb:Even worse for about that is she cracked my door open. My I have a straight shot in the living room, so I just woke up and sat with my bed pillows all even facing the door pretty much. So I just woke up and looked out the door.
Ashley:Yeah. So I guess I should've probably saw the shadows, but however old I was was not registering, like, what mom and dad were doing.
Kyle:Oh, they're making shadow puppets.
Ashley:It's so a weird shadow puppet. Yeah. I don't know. But, like, my little brain just could not process it. But I guess I was, like, I was trying to because I was like, what?
Ashley:Oh, what kind of game are we playing? So Hide the pickle. Yeah. My dad then started checking on us to make sure we were asleep.
Kyle:Did your parents know you you've you've you've fallen?
Ashley:Yeah. I'm old for you. Nothing happened because of how young I was. I was, like, probably 6 or 7.
Caleb:So would you walk into the living room and then just turn around? Or did you be like, what are you guys doing?
Ashley:Yeah. I was like, I have to go potty. Yeah.
Caleb:Because for some reason, me and I should always look apparently, we go to the bathroom.
Ashley:Yeah.
Caleb:We'd be in our rooms bathroom, we'd do a town first.
Ashley:Yeah. I gotta go to the bathroom.
Caleb:I don't know why. Yeah. Yeah. You you do that. I'm gonna finish up here.
Caleb:Is that is that when Ben came along then?
Ashley:Oh, god. No. Ben was already here.
Caleb:I only
Kyle:took that
Caleb:apart. Just 6 or 7. I'm just kidding. No. I have a question for you guys.
Caleb:But wait. Wait. Would you rather?
Ashley:Oh, walking on my parents.
Caleb:Okay.
Ashley:I've had them, like, walk in on me when I'm, like, discovering things when I was little.
Kyle:Oh, you're flicking the beans?
Ashley:I don't know. I didn't even know what the bean was.
Kyle:Are you playing a guitar solo?
Ashley:Yes. I was just trying to figure out what what was down there.
Caleb:Fair enough.
Kyle:I think you've all heard the story of me, having someone get fingered next to me. Right?
Caleb:Yeah. I think so.
Kyle:Yeah. I I told you that.
Caleb:Probably. You might need the
Kyle:I don't want a name drop. What?
Caleb:You mean the person, Julio? Yeah. I just changed their name.
Kyle:For Janet. Okay. So Jennifer. Like so my dad was out of town, and I wanted to sleep in his bed. Well, the other 2 decided to lay in the bed with me, which is fine.
Kyle:You know, we're all
Caleb:all friends. Your friends?
Kyle:Yes. Look, we're all friends. Were they dating? No. So the girl, her name was Amber, and the guy's name was Tigger.
Kyle:They were on Tigger. Yes. Okay. Do you do you get it? Their names start with the first letter of those words.
Ashley:Ever and Tigger? You kinda done like Tom?
Kyle:Tim? No. I wasn't thinking that. Tigger. Tigger.
Kyle:So anyway, so you have a poo's friend, and and you have Amber. Right?
Caleb:No poop involves the story.
Kyle:There's no poop involved in the story. No. So I was just trying to get to sleep, and I feel the bed
Caleb:The podcast people can't see that. Okay. The bed starts shaking. I I
Kyle:thought there was an earthquake. Turns out there was, but it was only in the auto house that it was happening. And in the bed? I was facing them. Blankets were on, but I was under the same blanket.
Caleb:Were they both laying on their backs?
Kyle:She was. He was not. He was propped up on his elbow, and I was squinting through my eyes to make it seem like I was asleep. Scratching.
Ashley:Through my eyes.
Caleb:It's your own story.
Kyle:Yeah. So, yeah. He was the the devil is going down to Georgia next to me, and, dude, I swear to god, he was I I don't know how fast his hand was going.
Caleb:Like, through the fire and the flames?
Kyle:Just finger and and I I'm sitting there. My my legs are just cramped. So I'm sitting there. I'm trying not to fucking scream in the middle
Caleb:of it. Cramping.
Kyle:Because I was in uncomfortable position, and I couldn't move because, like, I didn't wanna move and, like, ruin the moment, like, I'm not gonna fucking cockblock. Right? But but, like, all I'm thinking is, like, please don't do it next to me. Like, please for the love of God, do not start boning on top of me. And at one point at one point, he stops, and he's like, you wanna take this out to the car?
Kyle:And I and internally, I'm like, yes, please. Go ahead. Take it outside. And she goes, you know? And I'm like, thank god.
Kyle:So, like, they walk out, and I heard them walk out the garage, and I'm like, oh god. And I was, like, stretching and shit. Went out to the car and did whatever. And, like, the next morning, I woke up. I'm like I woke up before them.
Kyle:Mhmm. And I I made coffee. I was I was leaning against the counter and they came walking out. I'm like, morning. They're like, hi.
Kyle:I'm like, you guys have fun last night? And they're like, they they look to each other, like, looked at me and I'm like, I was awake the whole time. And they're like, oh my god. They're like freaking out. I'm like, I don't care.
Kyle:I'm just glad you guys went out to the fucking car. It was so awkward, and it it never happened since.
Caleb:That's good. Can I ask you a question about that? I'm gonna Alright. About that. Why would I lay in the bed with you?
Kyle:So I laid there for the purpose of going to bed. I don't know why they laid in the bed with me. Hopefully, for the same purpose of going to bed as well.
Caleb:Were they hoping you joined?
Ashley:Oh. I oh, god. I hope not.
Caleb:I could see it.
Ashley:I could.
Caleb:Do they want an Eiffel Tower?
Kyle:I don't wanna touch tips with someone.
Caleb:No. We could do, like, like, an Eiffel Tower.
Ashley:You want Put it in her vagina. He puts it in her mouth.
Kyle:Oh, spit roast? Eiffel Tower? Or Eiffel Tower. Yeah. That that would have been real hot.
Kyle:And you
Ashley:guys are high fiving?
Kyle:Good job, buddy.
Caleb:Yeah. I think
Kyle:that'd be something you 2 would do.
Caleb:Hell no.
Kyle:Yeah. I mean, hell no. Kinda guys you take off.
Caleb:Yeah. Hell no. I thought you're winking
Kyle:here. Definitely not. You guys don't know how
Ashley:to wink.
Kyle:You don't either. Oh. He goes
Caleb:Alright. I got a question for you guys. This kinda revolve around this. Did your parents ever give you the talk? No.
Caleb:Yes. No.
Kyle:I'm the only one. Apparently. That was the most awkward talk,
Caleb:by the way.
Ashley:Okay. Share.
Caleb:My
Kyle:parents had obviously never, practiced the talk before. Because the way they explained it
Caleb:Who initiated it?
Ashley:And why? At what age?
Kyle:Just kind of both. I I don't know how old I was. It was just really awkward for me because at this point, I had already discovered what it was.
Caleb:Like masturbating or
Kyle:Yes.
Ashley:Or sticking in on a girl?
Kyle:I think just jerking it. Just yeah. Jerking the jerky.
Ashley:What was your first reaction to it coming out?
Kyle:I didn't know what it was. It, like, smelled weird. And it was like Did you taste it? It was clear. No.
Kyle:I didn't. Have you ever tasted it? I haven't. I I've come
Caleb:close. No.
Kyle:But not intentionally. Like, there's there's one time I I I splooged, and it landed, like, on my bottom lip.
Caleb:Oh my god.
Kyle:And I was, like
Caleb:You got distance.
Kyle:Yeah. Like, it shot up. And I I had, like, quickly, like I was, like, real careful making sure I it didn't get in my mouth. So it
Ashley:was clear because you obviously didn't have any swimmers in there?
Kyle:Yes. I just kinda went from there, I guess. So a chronic ham slapper back in the back in my day. I've I've slapped the same ham quite a few times.
Caleb:And you slapped other hams not quite a few times?
Kyle:No. Just mine. Okay. Okay. That that ham has gotta be worn out by now.
Ashley:Obviously, it is. Yeah.
Kyle:It's like it's like the the hallway is closing in around the hot dog. You know? But so so they told me they're, like, yeah. So, you know, obviously, when a when a mom and a dad love each other very much, blah blah blah.
Caleb:The the, like, traditional saying of it?
Kyle:Yeah. And they're, like, you know, like, the guy will, like, start rubbing it, and, like, it starts feeling good, and then it starts feeling really good, and this and that. Who's with
Caleb:that part? Is it your mom or dad?
Kyle:My mom. But then so my dad didn't really say much, but then I singled him out, and I was like, when's the last time you did it? As in, like, jerking off. And he was like, last time I was in bed with your mom? And I'm, like, last night?
Kyle:I I was, like, oh my god. I didn't need to know that. You asked. It was, like, super awkward. Like, that's the only thing I said during the whole thing.
Kyle:And then I'm, like, thanks, guys. And I went upstairs, and I'm like, I could've gotten away without having to know this, but Because, like, that
Caleb:was my time.
Ashley:I guess our parents left it to health class.
Kyle:We also had health class.
Caleb:Our parents are pretty open though, Ashley.
Ashley:Yeah.
Caleb:Like, our family is.
Ashley:Yeah. I got birth control. I got the pill thrown at me. I was like, here. Fucking start taking this.
Ashley:I said, okay.
Caleb:There was your talk. Yep. Take this shit. What is it? Just take it.
Ashley:Yeah. It still got messed up.
Kyle:Yep.
Caleb:Now what? You guys have any else planned, Ashley?
Ashley:No. This was our opening. This is the kind of content you are gonna get from us.
Caleb:We still need 10 more minutes.
Kyle:You do?
Caleb:We don't need
Kyle:Where are we at now?
Caleb:49 minutes. We don't need
Kyle:That's it. That feels longer than that. Uh-huh.
Ashley:Because This is the kind of content you're gonna get from us every single week.
Kyle:Yeah. We we have turned into smutty individuals that are going to give smutty stories. Yes.
Ashley:K. We're just gonna be more real and more open.
Caleb:And honest and consistent.
Ashley:Yes.
Caleb:Oh, so they're gonna be honest. Can we ask about something? Sex. I don't like driving to Beloit. I don't like driving to Sharon.
Caleb:Yeah. I'll figure it out. Alrighty. So don't forget to go check out Martin 3 d designs. I mean, anything go custom ornament or other custom things.
Kyle:I saw that on the
Caleb:I'm making these really cool Halloween boxes at the moment that you put over there. And I will be making Christmas ones. So please go check out ww.martin3ddesigns.com. Don't forget the ww.becausesomebody doesn't know how to fix it. Clearly, someone just doesn't know what the fuck they're doing to begin with.
Caleb:Well, I hired them for help, and it didn't work. Oh, okay. Thanks, everybody.
Ashley:That's a wrap. Again, follow us on social media.
Caleb:I forgot what it all was. If you remember TikTok was kindling dot conversations.
Ashley:Instagram was kindling conversations. Facebook was also kindling conversations.
Caleb:Twitter?
Ashley:X.
Caleb:X. Kindling convos, I think. Sorry. I don't know.
Ashley:Anyways, there are there are going
Kyle:There are there are many.
Ashley:There will be new, like, our weekly promotions out. Go give it a share and a like. Tell your friends. Tell your neighbors. Tell your mom.
Caleb:I got an idea. Leave in the comments of who in any of our social media posts, who do you think the guest is gonna be?
Kyle:Mhmm.
Caleb:We've definitely shouted this person out before.
Kyle:Yesterday. Should we just keep it a surprise while she's home?
Caleb:Yeah. Oh, you can do something. I just wanna see what people's get.
Kyle:Yeah. It's a she, but I don't know if they're gonna guess who it is.
Ashley:Okay. Anyways, before Kyle keeps spilling more details, we will catch you on the next episode of your favorite podcast every Wednesday at 5 AM.
Caleb:Wow. That's wild. That's wild. That's wild. Adios.
Ashley:Toodles.
Kyle:Oh god. What did I always
Caleb:say? Aloha.
Kyle:Deuces. Aloha. That was pie too. Yeah. That is.
Kyle:Oh. Deuces.
